Snitch of the Week: 12/18 - 12/24

There are Webcam whores, and then there are Webcam whores.

Justin Berry's story of becoming a child porn star (alternate link) by selling himself through his webcam and how his father helped pimp him out is not exactly easy reading, but it's worth the time.

But it brings up the ever present questions as to why the hell his mother didn't know what was going on, the role of technology and children as well as the idea of objective reporting in the face of shitty things happening.

The Times reporter on the case, Kurt Eichenwald, became pretty involved in it all. He ended up convincing Justin to snitch on everyone in his child porn ring and stop his own business as well.

Some retard on Slate had the nerve to call him out on it.

I guess it would have been better to maintain some fantastical notion of neutrality while little kids were getting molested all around him? Even despite the fact that the article has shaken up the kiddy porn industry?

Between the investigation and the Justin's information the Times got the names and credit card numbers of over 1,500 people who paid for child pornography and an analysis showed that many of them were doctors, lawyers, businessmen and teachers.

Surprise, surprise.

Justin berry, for bringing down thousands of perverts and opening up a world I won't be reading up on any more, you are the Snitch of the Week.

Snitch of the Week: 12/11 - 12/17

So many snitches, so few weeks.

This week's snitch is particularly relevant to me because of the end of the year surge democracy has been making.

Whether it is Hamas surging in the Palestinian elections, Sunni Muslims crying foul over the Iraqi elections or growing evidence of civilian spying in the good ole US of A, the idea of "true democracy" is having some problems.

But nowhere is struggling with democractic growing pains worse than China. With its 1 billion + people, even their minor problems are major.

So this is why I'm giving a little shine to Gao Zhisheng.

As a civil liberties lawyer, he's fighting enormous battle and odds against a government that has no problems with a troublemaker disappearing in the middle of the night.

And the way he came up isn't anything to scoff at either.

"Mr. Gao was born in a cave. His family lived in a mud-walled home dug out of a hillside in the loess plateau in Shaanxi Province, in northwestern China. His father died at age 40. For years the boy climbed into bed at dusk because his family could not afford oil for its lamp, he recalled.

Nor could they pay for elementary school for Mr. Gao and his six siblings. But he said he listened outside the classroom window. Later, with the help of an uncle, he attended junior high and became adept enough at reading and writing to achieve what was then his dream: to join the People's Liberation Army.

He scraped together the funds to take a self-taught course on the law. The course mostly required a prodigious memory for titles and clauses, which he had. He passed the tests easily. Anticipating a future as a public figure, he took walks in the early morning light, pretending fields of wheat were auditoriums full of important officials. He delivered full-throated lectures to quivering stalks.

By the late 1990's, though based in remote Xinjiang, he developed a winning reputation. He represented the family of a boy who sank into a coma when a doctor mistakenly gave him an intravenous dose of ethanol. He won a $100,000 payout, then a headline-generating sum, in a case involving a boy who had lost his hearing in a botched operation."


Damn homie...

He's been driven underground recently after the internal secret police told him "You must be proud of what you have achieved as a lawyer after your self-study. Certainly you must be worried should something happen to derail that" during a visit to his home.

I'm a little disturbed by his recent conversion to Christianity, which in China, is done through underground churches with customized Bibles and preachers claiming to be the second coming of Christ.

But another than that, Gao Zhisheng, for your Chinese brand of gulliness and government opposition, we here at Start Snitching award you Snitch of the Week.

Well all you had to do was ask

So Joey Ratz, or as he is better known, Pope Benedict XVI, has finally went and done what no one else had the sense to do.

He asked for peace in Middle East, which isn't special per se, but he went and did it on Jesus' birthday!

It's all about timing.

So hood, they can't help it

I think I lose my official blogger license if I don't link or share this Chronic of Narnia clip from SNL.
So here it goes.

"Lazy Sunday" (Need Flash)

You Dead Wrong

(Still getting niggas shot)

Eight years after his death, three posthumous albums and 480,323 shot rappers later, nobody has learned a damn thing.

Three negroes done got themselves stabbed and three others got themselves shot at an album release party for Biggie's horrible "Duets" album.

The violence erupted when angry rappers realized their verse didn't get on the album when so many other garbage verses did.

Puffy, let the dude go. I don't need a fifth remix of "Nasty Boy" with Nelly sing/rapping all over the damn place.

He's nasty, I get it.

Now pardon me, pass the safe, before I blaze the place.

And here's six shots just in case.

Go 'head South Korea!

The three major South Korea cell phone carriers have agreed to standardize the peripherals on cell phones.

And it's about damn time these companies realize that standards just make sense.

The simplicity of one standard is why USB devices are so popular, and why Wi-Fi has been adopted so quickly.

There is not one Wi-Fi for Cablevision and other for Verizon.

The shit just works.

However most tech companies would rather divide the market so consumers are forced to buy hundreds of dollars of crap with each new cell phone or to stick with one brand for life.

Imagine the three major U.S. carriers, Nokia, Motorola and Samsung, all having interchangeable headsets, earphones and battery chargers.

The sweet unity of it all.

Eye KaNt ReEd!

(But I'm still happy)

If you've have ever tried to participate amongst the masses or followed election results, you can attest to the fact that most people are just generally stupid.

It's not a well hidden secret.
But how stupid?

This stupid.
And this stupid too.

So out of the 218 million adult Americans (18 years or older) out there, 30 million have below basic English comprehension and 11 million are straight-up "I can't understand the brilliance of Startsnitching.com illiterate."

And one of them is an American Idol. Although the viewers of that show just want someone like them to win.

This illiteracy cuts across all lines, as it has affected all American on every level of education.
From the article

"Perhaps most sobering was that adult literacy dropped or was flat across every level of education, from people with graduate degrees to those who dropped out of high school."

As further evidence I enter Exhibit A, an authentic letter of supreme illiteracy from an American adult.
All names have been blurred to protect the stupid.




Step it up America.
Or there won't be anyone here worth spying on.

Snitch of the Week: 12/4 - 12/10

If you follow politics at all then you know about Diebold, the company that makes easily hackable voting machines with closed-source software, untraceable non-paper ballots, and digitally unverified results as well as their mysterious machine malfunctions and dubious record of bipartisanship.

Well I guess someone at the company wasn't too pleased with their track record because recently an insider at Diebold Election Systems blew the whistle on the company's knowledge of their faulty electronic voting system and clandestine culture, which they were recently sued for and had a CEO resign over.

Claiming that the company constantly breaks state election laws by issuing unauthorized patches, tinkers with the software to prevent paper trails of votes and lowers the quality of the machines to keep themselves involved through technical support; the whistleblower tells what everyone pretty much expected, but from an insiders view.

"Dieb-Throat" for your witty alias and insightful, if late, act of snitching, we here at Start Snitching award you the Snitch of the Week award.

Tinfoil shortages across the land

Peep how your cell phone acts as a homing device.

And how Bush wants to utilize said homing powers.

The 9/11 report shows that some people clearly need to be spied on, but that necessity needs to be weighed against the fact that there is a lot of obvious ass information that the government passes over to go out of their way and spy on weird liberal groups and library patrons.

That whole Boost Mobile "Where You At?" campaign takes on a brand new meaning.

Is it too late to return this?

I picked up one of these two years ago because all the cool kids wanted one and um, things haven't gone that well since then.
I thought if I got him everything would be better but its not.

I was looking around the store the other day and I saw one of these.



I was just wondering if it is too late to change my crazy ass Muslim leaders?
_________________________________________________________

Is Bush's Christmas list looking something like that this year?

Two years to the exact day of Saddam's capture on Dec. 14, 2003, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad went and denied the Holocaust on Dec. 14, 2005.

Plain and simple, Iran is a problem.

The coincidental timing of these two events is evidence enough for a cosmic exchange.

Two years is long enough to learn a lesson.
There are crazier Muslims than Saddam.
I'd let it slide.

Snitch of the Week: 11/27 - 12/3

Two British men, David Keogh and Leo O' Connor, have been charged with violating the Official Secrets Act by leaking a document that revealed a private conversation between Bush and Blair. In this document it is believed Bush presented the notion of bombing the headquarters of the Al-Jazeera satellite channel.

Having seen Control Room, an interesting if somewhat stilted documentary on the Middle East media situation, the record number of journalists killed in Iraq and with the recent discovery of the military planting news stories in the Iraqi media, this isn't exactly the hardest thing to believe.

Many Muslims in these Middle Eastern countries believe all types of paranoid conspiracy theories about the U.S. and Israel as it. Pre-Iraq II there were interviews with "Arabs-on-the-street" where they purported Bush to be in kahoots with Sadam in order to have a reason to invade Iraq and everyone has heard the "Jews were behind 9-11!" theories by now. All we need is for something as great as "The U.S. blows up Arab news stations" to actually be confirmed.

David Keogh and Leo O' Connor, for risking your lives and freedom to get some revealing, if obvious, information out to the public, we here at Start Snitching award you the Snitch of the Week award.

It's been a long time...

Well we were experiencing technical difficulties but that's all over now. I had some downtime due my personal battle with Windows XP but I won.
In the mean time I kept myself busy with

• A Nip/Tuck and Deadwood marathon.
  
  
• Reinstalling Windows and wiping my entire computer clean. After installing all types of garbage on my laptop for two years, and getting some beastly mystery spyware infection, the shit was slow as hell. If you can back-up your files and have your original Windows disc, then go for it. I didn't realize Windows was this fast.
  
  
• The ensuing reinstallation of all my programs.
  
  
• Finishing Harry Potter V. That book was dark as all hell.
  
  
• Finishing the V for Vendetta graphic novel. The upcoming movie that will draw lots of heat, since the source material takes a pro-terrorist stance in response to a fictional fascist government.
  
  
• A Madden 2005 binge. The Cowboys need my support to get into the playoffs, so I'm reliving their season in all its PS2 fourth quarter glory as encouragement.
  
  
• Reading up on some allhiphop.com. After their Snitching editorial, I got a link that sent some folks my way. If you came to this site recently and thought that it has been kind of dead, well you're right. But the neglect has ran its course.
  I will be updating at least once a day from now on.
  So if you're feeling what's going on, dig around the archives and come back for some quality snitching.
  I should be dropping some Top 10 lists soon.
  

Snitch of the Week: 11/20 - 11/26

The new Showtime show "Sleeper Cell" has got me focused on terrorism again so it's only right I give this belated Snitch of the Week award to Imam Mohamed Magid.

The role of post 9-11 Imam has changed and it is good that some of them are accepting the responsibility that comes with the powerful position they hold.

Working out of the Washington D.C. area, Imam Magid runs the ADAMS mosque, an acronym for All Dulles Area Muslim Society. With its middle to upper middle income and dozen plus ethnic demographic it ends up being one of the more progressive mosques in the U.S.

In case you're not buying it, they buck the longstanding tradition that requires women to pray in rooms separate from the men. At ADAMS, women not only pray in the same room with the men (although in a partitioned-off section in the back), they hold four of the 13 seats on the mosque's board of trustees and chair a majority of its committees.
For Islam, that's pretty good. Last time this was attempted, bomb threats came a knocking.

So with this in mind, it's not hard to see how this Imam would be intolerant of extremists seeping into his mosque.
He has worked with the FBI to follow up on leads, issue alerts of anything suspicious and creating a gateway between law enforcement officials and the community in starting dialogues.

Granted, the U.S. government hasn't been all that um, smooth?, in their differentiation between terrorists and regular Muslims, so his extracurricular FBI activities don't make him all that popular with different parts of the Muslim community. But in today's reality where the Muslims who speak the loudest and most violently dominate the conversation it is time for Muslims who hold a more moderate view of Islam to be speak up and Start Snitching.

For your post 9-11 redefinition of Islam and willingness to take the less popular road, we here at Start Snitching present you with the Snitch of the Week award.

Too bad he has to work with a government that may send his congregants on an unpaid vacation to Cuba, to do it.

Negrodamus Returns

Following Comedy Central's idea that "The Chappelle Show" doesn't need Dave Chappelle, I have decided to indulge my inner Negrodamus since my wild predictions are so on point.

For example I predicted Harry Potter, crack-cocaine, Hurricane Katrina, white girls with fat asses and Reggaeton.

With my tremendous success rate I am about to drop some techno wisdom.

• All phone calls will eventually be free.
  It will take time for the financial models to be developed or broken so the telecos can face the reality that Internet calls over Skype and its ilk will only become easier to make and more understood with time and that the idea of a landline is becoming a fossil but it will happen.
  
  
• Cell phones will be the center of entertainment.
  Nokia is blazing the way with their N Series of cell phones with MP3 players, respectable cameras and video recorders and television capabilities (Europe only.) Although the prices are a little up there right now they will get cheaper when more companies get on the ball and mainstream it.
  
  
• TV shows will be broadcast online and on TV sets at the same time.
  More networks are realizing they can reach a larger tech savvy audience with the same ad supported model that they use on regular TV. Comedy Central, NBC, Cartoon Network and most recently CBS realized the wisdom of reaching viewers this way and have offered online versions of their shows.
  With the viewers being online while they watch TV, a relevant ad can be looked up instantly, opposed to the vegatation TV sets encourage. And it helps out those without cable, ahem or NFL Direct TV Satalite package. I need to see them Cowboys games!
  

P.S. Why do people in modern cities use dial-up? AOL dial-up costs more than DSL.
Unless you

A) Can't add
B) Own AOL stock
C) Enjoy the sound of screech, scooo, ttccch, 0101010, boop, zzzzzhhhshssh

You should have high-speed Internet.

Update: Terrorists still scary, some are white

(Four escaped terrorist detainees or System of a Down pre-concert?)


(You decide.)

Four prisoners recently escaped from a military "detention" center in Bagram, Afghanistan. Military detention is a little stricter than afterschool detention of yore, although the rules for afterschool detention are clearer.

Military officials were at a loss to explain the escape. One military official was quoted as saying,

"It was like Prison Break and Ocean's Eleven, but without out all the good-willed, pretty white people."

Unlike most of the prisoners held at these detention centers, who are usually pulled in for being Muslim at the wrong time, tortured and sent on their way with a "Thanks for fighting terrorism card," it is agreed upon that these four were serious A1 terrorists. And despite all types of shackles, guards and unpleasantness they got away.

Hopefully we tortured them a little before they got away.

_________________________________________________


(A ride and die chick? Eve, watch yo ass)

In one of the weirder trends I have been following, it seems more people not born of psycho Muslim influence are becoming psycho Muslims.
Check out Muriel Degauque, who has achieved the dubious distinction of being the first female European Muslim suicide bomber.
Her path is tragic and pretty damn interesting. It lends itself very well to a story. In about 5 years there will no shortage of memoirs and bio flicks about people involved in the terror wars.

Although the confluence of tragedy and alienation that fuels the Unibombers and Muriels of the world will never cease, it is worth the effort to identify the warnings signs before you have to identify the body parts.

Great. We're outsourcing American deaths too.

(Hello! This is India, I mean Dell. How can I help you?)

So America has just executed its 1,000 prisoner (Texas has a third of these executions. God damn Texas!) since the death penalty was reinstated in 1976.
That's almost 30 years and only 1,000 people.
That's 33 people a year.
Which is less than 3 people a month.
Which is nothing.

And 125 more soldiers have died since the 2,000 casualty mark in late October. At this rate, the 3,000th death in Iraq will occur 10 months after the 2,000th.

Opposed to the 14 months for the 2,000th and 18 months for the 1,000th death.
See a trend?

We have been at war since 3/19/03 and as of 12/2/05 about 985 days have passed.
That means a little over 64 soldiers die per month.
That is something.

Are we going to let foreigners kill more Americans than we do?
Hell no!
This is America, we are louder, faster, stronger and all that.

I say we ramp up the executions to take the spotlight off of the quicksand that is Iraq.
And if that doesn't work we can send death row inmates to fight in Iraq. That is what I call a win-win situation.

Any if they live, their sentence is commuted, but then they are re-enlisted for a second and third tour of duty like we do anyway.

I have ideas, people.
Start Snitching for President.

Princ I Pal? I think not.

(I watch your children pee.)

First there is the principal who outed a gay student to her parents and was sued for privacy violation (Start Snitching does not approve of such low quality snitching. We all have a long list of activities in high school that we would prefer not to be reported home.)

And then there is the pervert principal, Howard Fore, who installed cameras in the boys bathroom of Jasper Middle and High School in Georgia in order to "deter vandalism."

When reached for comment, Principal Fore was quoted as saying

"These hot, young, virile, pubescent boys cannot just...mmm, huh, what were we talking about?"

Given the history of school officials, video cameras and children I would not exactly want my number onesies and twosies to be recorded by an unnecessarily happy white man.

Where is the principal from "Lean on Me"?
He was cool.

Who says rappers are the only exploiters of big booty hoes?

After hosting the Country Music Awards in New York and placing numberous albums at #1 on the Billboard charts all year, country music has finally found out how to conquer the mainstream.

Songs about asses and videos to show those asses.

Trace Adkins has fired the shot heard 'round the world with "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" (Yahoo! login, IE only)

If the Nelly and Tim McGraw song "Over and Over" and Cowboy Troy aren't a clear enough indication of what is going on here, maybe should end all confusion.

Dammit people, this is part of Karl Rove's plan to make inroads into the black community!

Soon Jamal Jenkins will have Nascar season tickets and Laquisha will be voting Republican.

Don't say I didn't warn y'all.



Coming to a belt buckle of a hood near you.

More reasons why Coldplay sucks

As if the Ray J thing wasn't enough.

"In the Wednesday night episode of CSI: NY, a cellphone belonging to investigator Danny Messer will ring. The ringtone will be the song Talk from Grammy Award-winning band Coldplay. In a cross promotion deal between CBS and Capital Records, shortly after the scene airs and for a limited time, viewers will be able to purchase the same ringtone for their own cellphone. The hows and how muches of that process will be explained in a series of promotional messages that will run during the next commercial break."

The people who buy ringtones should be locked in a room with the Jamster Crazy Frog and be forced to listen to Alex F on repeat.

Jeezy may have that snow

But I got that fire.
Firefox that is. (Oh, I'm so witty.)

The newest version of the Firefox browser (1.5) was released earlier this week and if you're not using it already you should be.

Download here.

It's much faster than the highly suspect Internet Explorer (which I'm forced to use for Launchcast) and the old Firefox 1.0 which launched my computer nerddom.

If you don't know what Firefox does, it does a lot and the more people that people use it the less companies will make their websites specifically for Internet Explorer (which is bad) and the less amount of spyware you will let onto your computer.

The greatest train wreck in the world

(Crotch light! That'll sell records...)

This video is so bad that I have watched it at least 5 times already.

Ray J, the talentless brother of washed up R & B singer Brandy, has a video on Launchcast where he covers "Clocks" by Coldplay.

That's right. Brandy Jr. covered Coldplay.

See it in all its shame/glory (glame or shory?) right here. Yahoo! log-in may be required.

Mr. J hops around with a screwface while air drumming/guitaring/piano-ing and convulsing, trying his best imitate Ashlee Simpson's SNL fiasco.
His overly melismatic delivery of Chris Martin's mawkish and mumbled lyrics actually clear up what is being said.
And that's not good.
In its original form you may not hear nonsensical 'lyrics' like "Shoot an apple off my head" and "Tigers waiting to be tamed." And I think I missed the part in the original where Chris Martin says "I don't think y'all feel me."
But now itÂ’s clear in all its oversung and nonsensical glory.

It always funny to see the shitty results of the utterly misguided crossover attempts of hip-hop artists. I barely got over Puffy's 1998 bastardization of Led Zep's "Kashmir" for the Godzilla remake when I had to deal with the recent Linkin Park/Jay-Z abomination Collision Course.

Not to mention the attempts of Ludacris and Sum 41 on SNL and Metallica with Ja Rule.

What is particularly enjoyable about this all is his self-importance. For a commercial artist who still doesn't have a gold record after three records, he is pretty confident that he is showing us some hidden side we have been waiting to see.

Nirvana Unplugged this is not.

Hilary Duff and Fifty, the ball is in your court.
Lil Jon and Paris Hilton already finished up their song...

New heights in retardation

No.

&




No.

This is not what the future was supposed to bring.

The guiltiest looking M&M's ever

(It was the blue M&M)

After an M&M float injured two sisters when it knocked over a street lamp at last week's 2005 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, the company has gotten the family not to sue and has invited them to sit in the VIP section of the 2006 parade.

That's a big step up for the PR department, compared to the $395 million suit they settled out of court for an undisclosed amount in 1997 when another parade float accident nearly killed a woman and sent her into a coma for nearly a month.

I would gladly take some debris to the head if I could get the middle ground between a $400 million suit and some front row tickets to the Macy's Parade.

Life long gift pass to the Men's Department perhaps?

I will add lamp post tampering to my list of Thanksgiving activities for next year.

On Your Mark, Get Set, Buy Shit!

It's good to see that Black Friday has successfully mixed the frightening fervor of an American Idol tryout with the experience of shopping at Wal-Mart, although I'm guessing there is a large overlap there.

I missed my opportunity to celebrate the only positive "black" event this year but I'll be sure to consume conspicuously next year.

Other proud black events I plan on celebrating.

The Black Death Anniversary Bash
Black Monday
Not to mention Black Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
And the OJ Simpson trial.

Snitch of the Week: 11/13 - 11/19

(Nigga, u guilty)

Donnell Nichols (not pictured), a former employee of the Murder Inc. record label, testified in court last Thursday that he saw drug money delivered to Murder Inc. in plastic shopping bags and shoeboxes and Ashanti CDs.

Well not the Ashanti CDs but that would explain how she sells so many damn CDs.

He was then brutally cross-examined by defense attorney Gerald Shargel, who attempted to portray Nichols as an unpaid, lying gopher with an Internet pornography addiction, spelling problems and a history of homelessness.

Damn Shargel!

Defense lawyers don't play around.

He was given thousands of fake dollars and told to fit them into a shoebox in a resurrection of Johnnie Cochran's "If it does not fit, you must acquit" shtick.

I don't know a damn thing about the character of this Nichols character but I know when you name your label "Murder Inc.," yourself "Irv Gotti," and your recording studio "The Crack House" and somehow mysteriously find yourself on trial for laundering money for a crack dealer you should probably be acquitted. At least on stupidity, if nothing else.

Donnell Nichols, for your brave testimony in the face of brutal personal attacks and more importantly, your helping get Irv Gotti into prison and Ja Rule out of music (at least for a little while), we here at Start Snitching give award you the Snitch of the Week.

It's Murder!!!

Snitch of the Week: 11/6 - 11/12

(U.S. intelligence, not so smart.)

In a bit of accidental snitching, often the best kind; Mary Margaret Graham, a 27-year veteran of the CIA and now the deputy director of national intelligence for collection revealed the nation's annual intellgence budget. The $44 billion budget, is a key figure for government spooks, who have been sued repeatedly in order to have have the budget revealed.

Her fellow colleagues were dumbfounded by her apparent gaffe.
"I thought, 'I can't believe she said that,' " Whitelaw said on Monday. "The government has spent so much time and energy arguing that it needs to remain classified."

Mary Margaret Graham, for your prime-time "whoopsie-daisy" in the face of increasing government secrecy, we here at Start Snitching salute you. We know it must be hard lying all the time.

Snitch of the Week: 10/30 - 11/05

A little late with the updates so I'm adding three "Snitch of the Week"'s back-to-back-to-back.

The first is a prime piece of million dollar snitching from Mark Russinovich's Sys Internals blog. For all those unfamiliar with the name, he is the person who discovered Sony's nasty little rootkit secret.

His report tore through the blogosphere, into the mainstream media and straight into the courtrooms.

Sony has already spent millions of dollars so far in contradictory press, (rootkits don't matter/we're sorry, they do) recalls of their CDs and the reprinting of rootkit free version of those CDs. Not to mention the torrent of law suits already in the pipeline from New York, Texas and Florida.

This will end up costing Sony tens of millions of dollars and an irreversible loss of tech chic that only releasing a Playstation 5 tomorrow, for free, directly to my house could mitigate.

The cost may have been worth it though. I heard kids were peddling that hot new Neil Diamond album like crack rock.

Mark Russinovich, for your keen computing eye and corporate back-breaking we here at Start Snitching salute you with our Snitch of the Week award.

Young Jeezy appeals to former crack dealers and middle-aged mothers alike

(I got that snow, man. Get it?)

My mother recently asked me to make a CD for her with "that song about the Soul Survivor."

Say it ain't so ma...

My very own mother sucked into Jay-Z's marketing scheme of signing ex-crack dealers and riding the Biggie wave.

Damn you, Young Jeezy!

Phones not to rob a bank with...

I've learned a lot from Candace.
I can't help but look at new cell phones and evaluate their utility in a bank robbing situation.

This perfume spraying phone may not be the one you want to go with after you finish casing the local HSBC. The $1,200 price tag may be out of the average bank robbers range, but if you are rolling out with style and want to leave your stylish signature at the crime scene this Hyundai’s MP 280 perfumephone may be for you.

It gives off a spray everytime it's opened and is refilled by syringe.

Indeed.
_______________________________________________



(Ugly, meet your mama)

In a perfect example of a design team not working well together, a Korean company released the PT-S170, a phone that swivels, slides, flips and eats small children. Rob anything with this phone in hand and you will be picked out of a line-up before you reach your spot on the wall.

My little Candace, stupid and busted

So it turns out my bank robbing chica wasn’t really the criminal mastermind I hoped for and was more like the pimped out girlfriend I assumed she was.

Candace Martinez, age 19, was arrested with her 19 year old boyfriend and former Wachovia employee, Dave Williams.

What exactly does a student supposedly studying business administration in a North Virginia community college do after robbing a bank without a mask on her traceable cell phone?

Go on a shopping spree.

Along with a nearly $4,000 Circuit City receipt the police found a Sony PC, a digital camera, a printer, three Louis Vuitton purses and the box for a T-Mobile cell phone, which I can only guess was the Sidekick II.

God dammit Candace, you let me down.

Ahh, it's that good ole white people idealism

(Me favorite slave trading pirate, argh...)

Straight from my high school of yore, which I think is currently operating with a black student population of about -7%.

In a NY Times article about the ridiculously counterintuitive grading system that allows a student with a 42% verbal/99% math score to be admitted over a student with a 92% verbal/ 97% math score, the principle, Mr. Teitel, said the school and its alumni would strongly resist using any criteria but the test for admissions. "One of the things they love about the school is that it remains a true meritocracy," he said. "You only get into Stuyvesant because you proved it on an exam."

So Stuyvesant High School, in New York City, with its 54% white and 79% Asian makeup (my numbers may be off) is a "true" meritocracy. Never mind that Upper East and West Siders begin training for the test at age 4 and that most of the kids in Brooklyn don't know about the test until the day before.

At least now I understand why so many students at Stuyvesant were brilliant in one field but incredibly retarded in oh so many others.

All praise the lopsided genius.

You are just like me!

From a NY Times article about the increasing amount of mulitmillionaires and billionaires running for office.

"Humility also goes a long way. 'Nelson Rockefeller would say to people, 'Thanks a thousand,' instead of, 'Thanks a million,' because it made seem more down to earth,' said Mr. Smith, the executive director of the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum, who is writing a biography of Mr. Rockefeller, the former New York governor."

I just love it when rich ass white people try to seem down to earth.
And I love the people who fall for it even more.
_______________________________________________________

On the other hand, these people are not so much like me and have no problem showing it.

White Settlement, Texas, a real town in Northern Texas have voted down a resolution to change their name to something a little less racist by a 9-1 margin.

Some residents are still confused as to why their town lost several large chain stores and has problems attracting new business.

Words of wisdom:

"At the counter in Ricky's, Konnye Wilkerson, 21, a cashier, explained: 'You shouldn't be afraid to be white. It's like showing we're not proud of our history.'"

"It's been this way for years, so why change it?" said Paris Ray, 37, an African-American entrepreneur who owns a store together with his wife, Maria Grieve, selling imported products from the Philippines.

I love it.

Texas, you get a pass on this one, not only because this is so great but because the Cowboys won on Monday night and Eva Longoria, proud Texas product, was on Conan O'Brien that same night.

Worst record covers ever

(It goes on...)

Pitchfork, a music site renowned for their indie-kid/better than you pretension has a feature this week about the Worst Record Covers of All Time.

I have lots of beef with Pitchfork. Most of it lies in the fact that their hip-hop coverage reeks of a prevailing "black people are cool" attitude that results in Cam'ron somehow being designated as "Best New Music."

But this feature is redemption. As a music nerd, I spend too much time digging for proper song tags, lyrics and album art. And with everyone bitching about iTunes/MP3 players killing the album format and the CD booklet/cover art combo it is a good time as any to see what abominations (dis)graced the shelves of that lost vestige called the record store.

The analysis of the covers is almost as good as the covers themselves but it's a long feature so if your eyes get tired, you can just look at the (not so) pretty pictures and laugh or shake your head. Or both.

Which is more ignorant?

Stupid Jordanian Muslims who blame Israel for the suicide bombings at three hotels that killed close to 60 people last week, even though native born Jordanian and current Iraqi terrorist mastermind, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi has claimed responsibility for the bombings...

or

A stupid American President who claims that questioning of the war is evil, undermines troop morale and hurts small kittens even though the casualities continue to rise, terrorism is spreading from Iraq and the reconstruction have stalled?

It seems that the worst of both fundamentalist Islam and evangelical Christianity can agree upon the fact that severe denial, repression and avoidance of reality are the best ways to deal with the respective failures of Ummah, the idea of Muslim brotherhood that is supposed to prevent Muslim-on-Muslim crime and the war in Iraq.



P.S. We really should have held off on Iraq because Iran is seriously asking to be bombed.

"The explosions in Jordan are a suspicious matter. Most probably the Zionist regime (Israel) was behind them," Iranian foreign ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi told reporters.

How long will Israel listen to all of Iran's anti-Semetic rhetoric before they get all Old Testament on their ass?

Sony Update: Still Shady, Now Getting Sued

(Go away, go away, go away)

Much like the Apple's iPod, Sony's rootkit saga hasn't gone away, despite all their clenched eyes and crossed-fingers.

It has been found that Sony has a special DRM for Apple computers that tries to install itself when you make he mistake of buying a (Sony) CD.

And California has stepped up to the plate and is the first party to sue Sony for this rootkit foolishness, with New York and Italy to follow. Sony has since suspended it rootkit CDs from production, but it's too late.

As a result of Sony's failure to disclose the true nature of the digital rights management (‘DRM') system it uses on its CDs, thousands of computer users have unknowingly infected their computers, and the computers of others, with this surreptitious rootkit. This rootkit has been responsible for conflicts within computer systems, crashes of systems, and other damage."

The suit, which accuses Sony of "fraud, false advertising, trespass, and violation of state and federal statues prohibiting malware, and unauthorized computer tampering," claims that the suspect software has been included on certain Sony BMG Music CDs since this spring.

I think I may just make way on over to Virgin Megastore, make a purchase and see if, I, um, happen to qualify for the lawsuit...

Look at the list of horrible, horrible music Sony has chosen to infect.

Ricky Martin
Celine Dion
Pete Seeger
Our Lady Peace

The list goes on...Perhaps this is a tough lesson from the music gods?

Busted: Ludacris sampled Will Smith

(Na na na, na na na na)

People in the cred-based world of hip-hop consistently rank on Will Smith, and with good reason. His inflated sense of hip-hop self-worth combined with his multimedia invasions (Hitch and its soundtrack; Wild Wild West and that damn Stevie Wonder cover with Dru Hill) are annoying as hell and nowhere as enjoyable and relaxed as his Fresh Prince persona of the 90's.

Yahoo! Launchcast randomly put on DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince's hit Summertime. After all these years its still cheesy as hell, but it stands as an enjoyable example of what pop rap should be if done right (and not too often.)

Anyhoo, towards the end of the song, Will Smith says "Two miles an hour so everyone can see you"

And I thought were the hell did I hear that before? And then I remembered a chopped and slurred voice looping that line on that Ludacris song "Two miles an hour" from his 2004 Red Light District album.

It's a throwaway track "Dedicated to those who put more into their cars than their relationships," according to Mr. Cris. Luda was so motivated by Will Smith's two second line he turned it into another rote examination of the black car culture.

It's good to know Will Smith is single-handedly inspiring the Southern rap movement. Or something like that.

Will Smith Vs. Ludacris as the next big rap beef?
I made it a hot line, you made it a wack song...
I'm with it.

Coolest bank robber ever?

("And I was like nuh-uh, and he was all like uh-huh, and I was all like...hold on a sec girl, gimme all your money please.)

Either she is the most brilliant criminal mind of our generation or she is the result of our society's inability to separate the cell phone from work and play.

A seemingly Hispanic woman has been robbing Wachovia banks in the Northern Virginia area over the past few weeks while on her cell phone the whole time. Using a small box with a note demanding money taped to the outside and a handgun on the inside, she casually shows this to the teller and walks out of the store disinterested in the whole affair.

Blah, blah, robbing banks is wrong and all that, but I cannot help but be intrigued by this woman's non-chalance and motive. Is she being pimped out by her man or is she boldly raising the bar for all future bank robbers?

We shall know soon. Just don't go out Bonnie and Clyde style when you get caught. Start Snitching has some questions.

An update on ignorance

A story on Yahoo! News today rehashes the details of the "Stop Snitching" controversy for all those not keeping score at home.
Even after all this time, it remains remarkably hard to read about the unabashed ignorance that has consumed so much of the black community.

The Source was quoted as saying,

"She didn't do anything. She didn't pull no guns. She just told a little fib,"

about Lil Lim's sentencing on perjury charges in its October issue.


And in July, fellow hip-hop magazine XXL promoted "exclusive interviews with hip-hop's incarcerated soldiers" and promised to publish a yearly "jail issue."

We all know these rappers are in prison for noble causes like inciting public protests without permits, running red lights to get orphans to the hospital and encouraging democracy in China.

What is truly sad is reading what people post in the "Discuss" section. E-bigots, who are free to rant and rave under the anonymity only the Internet can provide, post their most puerile racial observations while people try to respond with logic. I really don't understand this song and dance routine that is repeated throughout the Internet on almost every message board. Why don't black people combat the real problems in their community instead of trying to win over the hearts of racists?

The black bastards picture was album art from the mid 90's that represented the killing of the black stereotypical image so that blacks could move on from there. It seems like we are too busy making excuses for our worst behavior rather than change what it is people are seeing.

Jesus vs. Darwin: Round 2938

vs.

So the Pennsylvania school board that was recently sued for trying to teach creationism-lite, or intelligent design, as it is now called, along with evolution, was unanimously voted out of office in a display of how survival of the fittest works in the political science field.

I am still waiting to see the observable change in an intelligently designed cell. Is there a halo on its nucleus? Do the mitochondria output wine instead of water?


In other parts of the country, America's sad march towards worldwide irrelevance continues unabated. In Kansas, another school board voted 6-4 to make all their students even stupider. They also redefined the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena. Seriously. It's all in the article.

Instead science is now solely concerned with cool things that don't stir up controversy, like laser beams, rocket cars and teleporation pods. Pew pew!! Zap!! Woosh!! Zroommm!!!

It's Election Day! Cast your vote America!!!

What? American Idol still hasn't started?
Oh, regular "governmental" elections...
Hmph.

Well then, in light of the New York mayoral race devolving into Bloomberg's personal contest to see how much he can beat his own $74 million 2001 campaign spending record by; I have decided to look for a meaningful outlet for my vote.
Bloomberg is as cool as the average multi-billionaire can be. When I saw him in person a few months ago during the early campaign season I could help but think,

"God damn, he looks rich as hell."

Yet he doesn't make you punch-him-in-the-face angry like professional snake oil salesman Donald Trump. He has a kind of winsome charm that almost made me O.K. with the bullshit answer he gave me about Wal-Mart in NYC and the fact that he could buy my family with his pocket change. He has eased racial tension in NYC and has an obvious liberal streak that has obfuscated his evil billionaire activities like billion-dollar stadium giveaways while neglecting the WTC reconstruction, mass arrests during the 2004 Republican National Convention and annoying ass ubiquitous advertisements. Bloomberg for Crown Heights ads annoy people when they aren't in Crown Heights. Not to mention the ethnic radio ads that always amuse me as they attempt to reach out to black voters. I know Magic Johnson endorses you and he played basketball(!!!) but he also has HIV, which leads me to believe he hasn't always made the best decisions in life.

The Democratic challenger, Fernando Ferrer, is thoroughly unimpressive and despite his undeserved endorsement by the NY Times in the Democratic primary, he managed to not to get their overall endorsement for mayor. How you can be endorsed for a primary but not the overall election is part of the NY Times new strategy to lose credibility.

So what to do in the face of a blow-out election with a voting buying candidate on one side and an inept candidate on the other?
Throw away your vote on a fringe candidate.
This is why Start Snitching endorses Jimmy McMillan

Of the Rent is Too Damn High! Party. As a Vietnam veteran and a retired postal worker who better understands the gritty realities of life.
And have you ever looked at rent prices in NY?
They're too damn high!

From the NYC Voter's Guide

1. What is the most important issue in the city you would address if elected?

RENT Is Too Damn High there is nothing else to talk about. All poor people are being ran out of New York

2. What other important issues would you address if elected?

RENT Is Too Damn High there is nothing else to talk about.

3. What makes you the best candidate for this office?

I am a Rent Activist with real solutions to the High Rent Crisis that is driving everyone out of this City. That is what makes me the best candidate for this job.
_______________________________________

Get this man in office !!!

Another idea I didn't think of...

Damn, damn, Goddammit, why the hell didn't I think of this first?

Alex Tew, a 21 year old English college student, set up a site called the Million Dollar Homepage where he sells, wait for it, one million pixels for a $1 each to advertisers. You really have to see this to believe it.

His goal was to raise some money for college so he wouldn't have to be in debt his whole life. As of writing this he has sold close to 600,000 pixels. Meaning he has not only paid for college five times over but he is pretty much rich.

I am a world-renowned and unparalleled hater, but I have to give this kid credit. In our culture of consumer whoredom where companies battle each other mercilessly for the oppourtunity to sell you shit, this kid has ridden the zeitgeist to economic freedom. Start Sntiching salutes you, you hustling Englishman.

What could they possibly teach him about business in college?

OK, now this is just plain ridiculous...

Rebels Dressed as Women Attack Iraqi Police Station

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By EDWARD WONG
Published: November 5, 2005

BAGHDAD, Iraq, Saturday, Nov. 5 - Insurgent attacks across central Iraq, including one in which the guerrillas disguised themselves as women, left at least 16 dead on Friday as Shiite Arabs across the country began celebrating the end of the Muslim holy month of Ramadan....
_____________________________________________________

Straight from the NY Times, the rest of the article is here.

Clearly, it's just a matter of boredom now. Homo-hating Muslims doing cross-dressing drive-bys?
It's time to go home...

Please assimilate your immigrants

The block is hot in Paris.

After the "accidental" electrocution of two teenage immigrants while fleeing police, the seething rage of the African and Arab communities exploded into a series of fires and riots that has just entered its second week.

The fuel for these riots happens to be the same fuel that causes this situation in America. Alienated North African and Arab expatriates and first generation children, isolated in their neighborhoods by unemployment, poverty and crime (the omnipresent minority trinity) finally found the excuse to express their displeasure, so to speak.

The suburbs, which are often thought of as an American place for the rich to flee urban life, work a little differently in Paris, as they keep these naturalized ethnic minorities on the fringes and out of focus.

These same idle first-generation citizens the ones who pick up the deadly hobby of terrorist enthusiasm. Al Qaida doesn't even need to recruit anymore. The disillusioned flock to create their own junior varsity terrorist groups. The most recent suicide attacks in Bali and London were the result of people native to those countries who had no official ties to Al Qaida.

That's not good. What makes a middle class citizen bomb his native country?


Several months ago I saw a pair of the Northern African women in the early 20's walking along a fairly crowded street in Paris who threw their trash, a soda can and a wrapper, on the city street with immense disdain. The pedestrians who were closer and saw this commented briefly and shook their heads. These two women had the nerve to respond angrily to the complaints about their littering. I couldn't help the undeniable wave of racism and ill will I felt for these two women. Who were these two immigrants to liter the beautiful streets of Paris (the city is quite beautiful, not to mention clean) and if they disliked it so much, then why where they there? And if I hated them this much, in that instant, what the hell were the white people thinking? It couldn't be anything particularly pleasant.

Looking at this riot I couldn't help but wonder, in retrospect, if some their disrespect for the city was due to how disconnected they feel from the promised yet unrealized ideal of inclusion that festers throughout most of Europe.

Bullshit liberal symbolism?

Possibly, but still worth a thought.