Monday, August 27, 2007

Ding Dong, Gonzales is Gone!

Let the schadenfreude reign supreme!

The incompetent and corrupt Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales has resigned.

Praise the lord.
There are few things I will enjoy more than watching this Administration raked over the coals and dragged off in handcuffs.

Wishful thinking...

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Snitch of the Week: 8/12 - 8/18 (Self Snitches)

Let's make this quick,

  • Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

    She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were "fake."

    She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the Wilcox County Sheriff's Office into her kitchen and showed them the drugs, police said.

    She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine.

  • A judge was fired for posting ignorant shit on his MySpace page. A fucking judge.
    Between this and the guy who sued for his pants, the legal system is truly a joke.

    "The AP wouldn't actually quote the phrase and the MySpace page has since been made private, but The Reg can confirm that MacArthur told internet users everywhere that his interests include "breaking my foot off in a prosecutor's ass" and "improving my ability to break my foot off in a prosecutor's ass.""

    Is MySpace used for anything else but self-incrimination and casual sex?
    Peep the story below from Gothamist.

  • A 16-year-old Bronx boy was arrested for the Sunday murder of Rayquon Story aboard a 5 train. The police tracked down the suspect after someone gave Story's aunt a Myspace picture and said, "This is the kid who shot your nephew."

    The person in the photo was identified as Robert Denis, and he was charged, as an adult, with murder, attempted murder, manslaughter, and criminal possession of a weapon. The police reveal some more details about what may have led to the fatal confrontation. According to the Daily News, apparently Story's friends and another group had an argument at an earlier barbecue. Police were called to break up the fight, and Denis had arrived at the barbecue around then. When Story and his friends left, "they were followed to the elevated train station by as many as 30 young men," including Denis. After another person asked for Story and Story identified himself, Denis allegedly fired six or seven times in his direction and then ran from the train.

    Story's mother, who had begged for witnesses to come forward, told the Post, "I'm relieved, I really am, that they have a suspect."

    Respect to whoever gave up the murderer.

  • Finally, a cop arrested his own wife on a DUI. His wife was the sheriff's deputy.
    Some people take the snitching a little too far.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Snitch of the Week: 8/5 - 8/11 (Bathroom Republican)

Good looks to everyone who emailed me this story, although it was pretty hard to miss.

Bob Allen, a Florida Republican, got busted trying to blow a undercover black police officer in a park bathroom. He then blamed his gayness on the fact that he was scared of black people and with his intimate knowledge of the blacks, he decided offering a blowjob was the best way to get out of the situation alive.

I guess he thought he was being robbed by Omar?

As always, the Daily Show sums it up best.

Not to be beaten, Glenn Murphy, the Young Republican National Federation President was under investigation for blowing a man in his sleep. He did the same thing about 10 years ago.

Don't forget Ted Haggard and Mark Foley.
Why are Republicans so gay?

By passing the very laws they aim to break, gay Republicans make it that much easier for it all to blow up in their face (no homo.) Gay Republicans, you are the Snitch of the Week.

Snitch of the Week: 7/29 - 8/4 (Obama)

Barack caught a lot of flack last month for calling out Pakistan as an ally of terrorism.
The Washington Establishment (Hillary et al) were quick to jump on Obama for breaking America's unwritten rule of pretending enemies are your allies while you go to war with countries that pose no danger.

That's why we are fucking up Iraq and Iran (soon) while ignoring the fact that Pakistan hosts the Taliban in the mountains and that most of the 9/11 attackers were from Saudi Arabia.

The funniest/saddest shit was that after all the opportunists and cowards jumped on Obama, Musharraf, the president of Pakistan, admitted that Pakistan helps terrorists. The very kind that Obama was shitted on for saying we need to attack.

  • General Pervez Musharraf, the president of Pakistan, made a rare admission on Sunday before hundreds of Pakistani and Afghan delegates at a grand tribal assembly here, saying that support for militants emanating from Pakistan had caused problems for Afghanistan, and that his country should work to secure peace on its side of their mutual border.

    "I realize this problem goes deeper, there is support from these areas," Musharraf told delegates on Sunday. "There is no doubt Afghan militants are supported from Pakistan soil. The problem that you have in your region is because support is provided from our side."

No one talked about that part.

Obama, for spitting that truth from the D.C. roof, you are the Snitch of the Week.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Greatest Headline Ever: White Youths Happier Than Others

I love this picture.

AP/MTV Poll: Young White Americans Happier Than Their Minority Counterparts

Peep the ABC News story here.

  • From their relationships to their jobs to their money even from they time they first roll out of bed young white Americans are happier with life than their minority counterparts.

Straight from the White People Win/No Shit Sherlock department.

Did someone get paid to conduct this poll?
Either way it's great.

Next weeks poll: Black Males Deader Than Others.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Say It Ain't So Vick

I don't know why I feel sort of bad for Michael Vick.

I'm not disappointed because I don't expect shit from professional athletes. They tend to live up to their stereotypes and Michael Vick didn't exactly become a sadistic dog fighter/murderer by accident.

He can't truly apologize for his actions.

It's just kind of sad that he ended up being what his detractors hoped and it's also shocking how quickly this story unraveled.

He went from being a few months away from his most important season ever to now entertaining the possibility of never playing in the NFL again.

It's hard for me to imagine how dumb one person could be. He's 27. Pretty young but old enough to know what he was doing.

He ended up being more than a coach killer.
He was a dog killer.
An owner killer. (Arthur Blank really believed in that guy.)
And a team killer.

Can you imagine getting ready for the season and then you find out that your starting QB is going to prison?

Can you imagine Donovan McNabb slinging coke in the off-season?
Or Peyton Manning running an Eastern European prostitution ring after his Super Bowl victory?

What a fucking idiot.

Thanks for making the NFL a little more boring this year Vick.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Fake Steve Jobs Is Saving the Internet

My Photo

Dude, I invented the friggin iPod. Have you heard of it?

The internet hates me along with Toshiba. Never fuck with Toshiba computers.
If you have laptop money I say get that new Dell XPS 1330 or a MacBook and don't forget Start Snitching needs one too when your checking out.

While I fight the good computerless fight, enjoy the comic stylings of Fake Steve Jobs. If you don't know, Fake Steve Jobs was an anonymous tech writer, before he was outed by the New York Times, who mocked the entire technology world and world at large through the smug and self-righteous voice of Apple's CEO. The more you know about technology the funnier it is. It was and remains the best idea ever for a blog. In fact the real Steve Jobs and Bill Gates both admitted to reading his blog.

That's some high quality readership I could fuck with. Not that I don't appreciate the poors that read my site now, but a few billionaires never hurt anyone's blog traffic.

This is his greatest post ever.

SIOOMA for life.

And when you're done with that has an important brochure about a powerful disease sweeping the black community.


Don't be next.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Iraq Says Bye to Karl Rove

Karl Rove, AKA Bush's Brain (the worst thing any human could be called) announced his resignation Monday.

It seems Iraq threw him a goodbye bash today, as over 200 people were killed in an attack near the Iraqi-Syrian border on Tuesday. Mass murders are so blah I could barely find a picture.

  • “Half the houses are completely collapsed because they were made from clay, said Capt. Mohammed Ahmad of the Iraqi army’s Third Division. He said that a market, a bus station and scores of families were obliterated.

    Another Iraqi officer described the scene as apocalyptic: “It looks like a nuclear bomb hit the villages,” he said.

Fox News reported the event as a small fireworks display.

That's half a man being scooped into a truck.
This is the legacy that the Bush administration, which Rove fought so shamelessly to empower, will live behind.
Rove is a "man" who made it a mission to demonize gays and gay marriage throughout the last 2 presidential campaigns, only for me to find out that Rove's own father was gay and that they had a close relationship. What type of person does that?

It will be interesting to see what kind of sendoff these guys get as they try to walk off in the sunset.

Friday, August 10, 2007

For The Love of Jesus, Buy Kanye West's Album

Kanye West's "Graduation," which I have no idea how I feel about might just save rap in more ways than one...

Peep the quote from the 50 Cent circus,

  • 50 Cent Bets Career, "If Kanye Sells More Records... I Won't Put Out Any More Solo Albums"

Peep the SOHH article here.

Can the Black Eyed Peas, Akon, Nickelback, the American Idolers and all the ringtone rappers join in on this bet?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

White People Win??

Only time for a quick post because I'm war with my PC (Piece of Crap) and I'm about to holla at Steve Jobs about the new Macs he's going to announce today.
Or not.

Watching this video you would almost think that old rich white people weren't winning...

To all the high level corporate execs who read this blog and are nervous, rest assured you are still winning.
Your predatory lending will only briefly affect your portfolios. Besides look how black people are losing.

The Dow Jones is still above 1300. The status quo is still in full effect.
Tell your boy to be easy.