Thursday, September 14, 2006

Apartheid Survivor is Great

(I'm a race Survivor, yeaaaa!)

Thursday sure snuck up fast.
Survivor: Cook Island had its season premiere tonight on CBS and in case you didn't know the tribes are broken up by race.
White, Black, Latino, Asian are the races with 5 people in each racial group.

Everyone fulfilled their stereotypes so beautifully. It was touching.

When it started everyone was allowed to grab whatever they could off of the ship.
An Asian dude dove into the ocean to catch a chicken and after he brought it back on the boat and put it away, the white dude just came and stole that shit.
Not to be outdone, the dirty white girl with dreads in his group opened the chicken coop and let them out. They had no food that night.
There is some sort of deep symbolism there that I will get later.

After salvaging what they could from the boat, everyone rowed off to their separate tribes for the first night.
They all yapped about avoiding stereotypes and proving something to the world. Actually the only group that didn't worrying about proving anything to the world was the White group.

The Hispanics had an athletic dude who got them a bunch of coconuts quite easily, the Asians had an older Vietnamese hippie in their group that the rest of them don't like because they are all bananas (yellow on the outside, white on the inside) and the Whites almost had group sex the first night. None of the Blacks seemed willing to work together.

In their first competition, they had to assemble a boat, row to a flame, light a torch, row back to shore, complete and puzzle and then climb a ladder.

The first 3 races to win got a lighter and some other shit.
The black people didn't even put the boat together until the other races were on their way back.
It was a damn shame.
Of course the Hispanics and Asians won the competition. It centered around a boat for Christ's Sake.
If they had gotten some black people from the West Indies, maybe from a really shitty island like Haiti, the blacks would have killed in the boat race. But alas, all they had was a bunch of city slickers.
There are three Black women and two Black men and the two light skinned girls have already excluded the dark girl from their click. High school never ends.
When the Blacks had to vote someone off, the two Black men teamed up to vote off a woman, and the three Black Women teamed up to vote off one of the men. The men tried to get in the dark girl's mind by telling her that the other girls don't like her and they will set her up later. He's right.

Light skinned girls are shady...
I love all the ladies.
Seriously though, politically, that was a bad move for the dark girl. By trying to be one of the girls, she got rid of a big ass Black dude that could help them physically later. Plus the dude can start a fire.
And of course the light skins will vote against her when they need to.

Fortunately the Blacks went a full episode without mentioning Jesus. We'll see how long that lasts.

Ironically, the race that lost the challenge got to send any person to Exile Island for two days. Exile Island is a small ass little patch of land where you probably just masturbate and drink salt water while crying.
Seriously, the shit looks really depressing.
The Blacks chose the white guy who stole the Asian guys chicken.
The white dude was not happy about it.
Take that imperialist thief!

This season will be great.
Too bad real life segregation wasn't this fun.


  1. Being a latina myself I dont appreciate that boat comment, my momma didnt come to this country on a boat! Never the less, this shit was hilarious had people in my office thinkin' I was crazy. WOO, if I didnt have to work I'd certainly watch this.

  2. Yo....that shit was hilarious....that's really how it went down???lol

  3. I was holding my breath when the black ppl formed a circle, like ok it took them the whole episode to start a prayer. But seriously, the white man stealing ppl's shit has to be my fav tv moment in a minute. And the Asians screaming "we have to come first" and beating the latinos.

  4. - C'mon, everyone got here on a boat. Some just more recent than others.

    - I can't wait for the next episode. The black people will mention Jesus soon.

  5. this shit is hilarious... id ont even need to watch it. i can jus come here for updates!