Thursday, May 25, 2006

Michigan Welcomes You!

(Hoffa cupcakes... that's gully)

I thought we already found Jimmy Hoffa in Tony Soprano's stomach early on this season of "The Sopranos" but apparently the FBI missed that episode, so they are back on the search for Jimmy and everyone is having fun with it.

With signs like, "To Find Hoffa, Look in the Yellow Pages Under Cement" the vibe is clear.
Small-town Midwesterners will bury you in a farm and laugh about it.

- French women confirmed what I have always said, pretty women don't need to wear makeup. The new thing is France is the ignorantly named "Le no makeup" look. (Similar to the du-rag I bought in France that I call "Le du rag.")

  • In a 2004 poll by the market research group Mintel, 64 percent of American women said they sometimes use foundation, compared with 47 percent of French women; 81 percent of Americans use lipstick compared with 70 percent of French women and 59 percent of Americans use blusher, compared with 43 percent.

Not to side with France but American girls kill it with the make-up. In Michigan there were these twins that lived on my floor that looked like the were running a makeup research lab and whenever they opened the door, the dorm coughed in unison because of the nauseating combination of perfumes they had coming out of there.
And if you have ever taken a NY subway you have seen some true crimes against humanity pretending to be women.
Who wins in this situation?
These women are always alone, so the attention angle of it has failed, and then everyone has to stare at them in a sad state of confusion until their stop comes.
Just sad...

- You think you can hold your liquor?
A Lithuanian truck driver had his blood alcohol limit clocked at over 18 times the legal limit. The shit was so high they thought their readers were broken.
You should be dead at about 9 times over the legal limit.
Eastern Europeans do not play.

- If the deaf protest and none of them hear it, is it really a protest? (Sorry, I couldn't resist)

- On the heels of Cat Stevens rejection from the U.S., the first terrorist pop star MIA was denied an American visa by immigration officials.

Look, Arular is a really good album, but the chick's father is a terrorist, she shouts out the PLO and says "Inshallah" (Arabic for 'Boom!' er, I mean "God willing.") in her skits.

Why the hell would she expect not to get flagged?
The U.S. has to catch someone every once in a while.

The funniest shit about this is her incoherent MySpace post


    Roger roger do you here me over!!!!
    the U.S immigration wont let me in!!!!!
    i was mennu work with timber startin this week, but now im doin a Akon "im locked out they wont let me in" im locked out! they wont let me in! Now Im strictly making my album outside the borders!!!! so il see you all one day, for now ill keep reportin from the sidelines
    to my people who walk wiv me in the America, dont forget we got the internet! Spread the word! or come get me!!!!!! ill be in my bird flu lab in china! liming and drinkin tiger beer with my pet turtel. I love everyone for the support, now i need it more. ill stay up spread out else where.

...and the morons who respond to her chicken scratch like it's the Newer Testament.

Why is MySpace so awful?

- I don't know if any news I've heard about the Iraqi war beats this old article I read in the NY Times.
If you've seen the first season of Arrested Development this shit is extra hilarious.

Carl Weathers (Apollo Creed from Rocky), the man who ripped off David Cross with his promise of acting lessons while stealing his food, is now giving acting lessons to Iraqi-Americans in a mock-up Iraqi village that the U.S. military built in the Arizona desert in order to train its troops.


- Thanks for tolerating my random ass roundup of ridiculous, but I had to get that out.
I've been busy trying out the new Microsoft/MTV online music store, Urge, and that shit is pretty hot.
It won't work with an iPod but the shit is still hot.
I'll be coming back to it soon.


  1. I completely co-sign the no make up policy. chicks end up with a 'fake face' look and that shit smears onto everything. but lipstick is a must, especially for blow jobs.


    DP-lipstick and blow jobs don’t mesh well together, we always end up with ugly blow job lips. No one needs to know what we've been doing, its all about discretion.

    I opt for flavored lip balm or gloss, it’s very tasty, you get the necessary lube, it's discreet, and you don’t need a mirror to re-apply.

  3. I have to cosign with P here, a simple lip gloss will do.

    No one wants alien colored rings around their member unless you need proof to show someone for whatever reason...

  4. yeah. u better not side with le frenchies and their le no make up look bc the bitches in that article were extremely le homely.

    comb your haaaaair, icon of french beauty.

    although, the m.i.a. post had me laughing. i think that woman is approaching or has approached a nervous breakdown.

  5. Most American women still do not know how to wear make-up.
    I keep seeing people out in normal everyday public that I just want to photograph and put up on this site.
    It is truly ridiculous how hideous these people look.

    As far as MIA goes, I think she is just playing up the whole immigrant chic thing too much.