Saturday, April 01, 2006

Stop Snitching!

Keep ya damn mouth shut.

April Fool's! Ha ha ha.

Snitch away people.

Here are the better April Fool's jokes I found today.

This is by David Cross, pretending to be the CEO of Yahoo!

Greetings, I hope this finds you well. My name is Carver Malone, President and CEO of Yahoo! Inc. I guess you could call me Yahoo’s main “dude,” although you won’t find me on a dude ranch! I’m scared of horses…and unicorns. That’s why I never saw The Chronicles Of Narnia. Anyhoo, I would like to welcome you to the first annual Yahoo! SXSW Young Persons’ Music Jamout. We hope that by sponsoring this afternoon’s totally rad rock ‘n’ roll concert that not only will we be able to build spiritual bridges linking generations and cultures through music and art, but we will also be able to sear the Yahoo! name into the collective consciences of the fastest-rising disposable income demographic of our country. Hey, they don’t call it “branding” for nothing. And we think we’ve got a “totally rad” lineup for you this afternoon.

I know what you’re thinking: “Hey old man, what do you in your suit and tie and 2.5 kids know about us teens? We’re Generation X–the skateboard generation!” Well, it may seem hard to believe, but I too was young once. Whether it was hangin’ ten with my bro’s down at the auto shop or getting crunk with my black friends Jali’il and Eduardo, I’ve had my share of wild and wooly nights and I know how important Spring Break can be to a young adult’s life. It’s a rite of passage and rape for many men and women.

We here at Yahoo! know you have a choice in online servers…and we are trying to change that. Hopefully, by linking this great afternoon of emocore and free beer with the Yahoo! name, you will switch over to us and NOT the competition. Let’s drive AOL into the sea, where the streets will flow with their blood. They are a dirty, subhuman race of mud people who must be wiped clean from the holy land. And that holy land is!

Anyway, enjoy Texas and all it has to offer–from its yellow roses, to totally slamming ‘Q, to its culture of institutionalized racism. Just kick back with some brewski’s or some Long Island Iced Teas, and enjoy today’s hottest musical acts and an acerbic, smug comedian who enjoys biting the hand that feeds him.

Let it all hang out. Surf’s up! Tune in, turn on, and drop out!

Carver Malone, Yahoo!

The other was by Google who mocked themselves as well as the sad individuals who fuel the online dating industry.

Holla at Google Romance.
They will search for the love of your life,

1. What is Google Romance?
Google Romance is a place where you can post all types of romantic information and, using our Soulmate Search, see search results that could, in theory, include the love of your life. Then we'll send you both on a Contextual DateTM, which we'll pay for while delivering to you relevant ads that we and our advertising partners think will help produce the dating results you're looking for.

Oh Google. You multi-billion dollar corporations slay me.

Here is a list of all the April Fool's pranks.

Now here is some shit that I wish was an April Fool's joke.
The Elephant Man is looking sexy right about now...

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