Thursday, April 20, 2006

Do you love taxes like me?

(Thank you sir! May I have another?!)

Start Snitching done been through it all this week.

Every year I realize how old I am when I have to do taxes.
April 15 always sneaks up on my ass like one of those quiet homeless people when I'm trying to sleep on the 2 train.

I considered filing a joint return.
According to Bill Maher, a joint return entails mailing a properly rolled joint to the I.R.S. with a note saying, "You must be high if you think I'm paying for this war."

But I don't want U.S. military dogs biting my crotch, so I decide to file taxes the good old fashioned way.

I will not mention the redundancy of millions of people filling out information the government already fucking has for the sole purpose of funding the tax filing industry or the ass fuckage involved in the current Bush tax code.

I also won't mention that Citibank Student Loans fucking suck.

And while I'm not mentioning all of that I will mention that in the middle of my paper hunt, I find a letter from the government saying I owe back taxes.
Back fucking taxes.
I don't know if it's me, but when I think of owing back taxes, I think of a rich shady old white dude.

I am not a rich shady old white dude. So I paid it.

If that wasn't fun enough, the love of my life, Toshi (aka Toshiba Satellite Pro M15,) gets a CMOS battery error and refused to stay on longer than 5 minutes.
After dropping it off for repairs I was forced to go outside in the sun and do stuff away from the safety of the Word Wide InterWeb as well as hang out with physical humans.

Dark times for all.

Although I must say that while walking around in NYC, I observed a direct correlation between sunlight and the rears of the Manhattan females out on the prowl.
Does photosynthesis apply to more than plants?
Do the sweet rays of the sun improve the bodies of women?

I look forward to testing this theory in the coming summer months.

I also got my computer back.
Reunited and it feels so good.

Expect lots of Snitches of the Week, my late ass Black/White roundup and other nonsensical ramblings.

Thanks for the roll call comments. Hopefully the motivation continues.


  1. Yup! getting raped by the government is always fun! You are a real nerd and last but not least welcome back!

  2. You need to answer your phone more often.

  3. Taxes are the equalizer...the holidays are over and Uncy Sam needs to remind you how crappy things are...your're probably broke, so you get something showing you not only how much you made, but how much you would have made if him, the state and all those other free loaders hadn't extorted you...when you owe money that's just a wedgie where he rips your undies.

  4. There is a definite correlation between the sunlight and apple bottoms. Especially on the campuses of institutions of higher learning. It's oh so dangerous.

  5. So the sun does feed the apple bottoms.
    Good to know.

    I think I'm just not going to pay taxes one year.
    Just for kicks.