Monday, July 24, 2006

Forget the World Cup, It's Miss Universe Time


While I appreciate the global scale of the World Cup and the intense nationalist feelings it reveals, it's no where as fun as deriding entire countries based on the appearance of their women.

Why else do football (soccer) matches on TV always cut to the female fans?
It's all about which country has the hottest women.

This is a pageant so you tend to find a certain kind of "pageant beauty" which means no phatties, thighs don't touch when standing straight, several ribs may be visible and the women may be rocking the 50 teeth smile. It's particularly bad during the Miss America pageant but on the global scale it's more bearable.

First things first, Miss Universe is a bootleg Miss World since several key countries are missing.
Secondly, Miss Puerto Rico won.
I can live with that because as you can see above, she can make it happen.

Check out the other chicks here,

Off the bat, what countries are you expecting to have the hottest women?

I'm checking for,

Dominican Republic
The Horn of Africa (Somolia, Eritrea, Ethiopia, etc)
At least 2 Eastern European Soviet Bloc countries and Czech Republic for the next Nikita Denise
On the strength of Shakira alone I have big expections for Colombia
Namibia (Jolie might represent)
Pics of Miss Israel and Lebanon together (Miss Lebanon looks like she's about to slap the shit out of Miss Israel)

And it must be noted that Ms. Belgium is A-OK

(Jeezus H. Christmas...)

Miss Ukraine was a thumbs up and so was Miss St. Lucia.

Although there were plenty of pleasant surprises, I was a little disappointed with what the Universe had to offer this year, but I might download the show to see this chicks in live action or maybe just to see Ms. Puerto Rico faint after she gets crowned.

Eating disorders ain't no joke.


  1. Seeing how Isreal carries it I wonder if they were trying to get her to slap Ms. Lebanon or something.

  2. Wow, I've been on that Ms. Universe site bending expectations for a hot minute now and your point could not be more accurate. Judging the value of foreign countries based off of their pageant contestant destroys stereotypes and then builds all new ones in a quarter of the time it would take to do the same just by getting to know the actual people. A few notes…

    Australia is holding it down just like I thought they would. Plus, the difference in their fairly sexy national dress and Russia 's borderline threatening one could not have funnier ramifications

    I waited expectantly to see just what kind of harpy Ms. Ireland would turn out to be, but they scoured the shit out of that island cause she was looking OK

    Sri Lanka was no joke out there, but the fact that her national dress wasn't a vest made from Teflon or bombs means that they weren't really abiding by the rules

  3. my cousin and i were watching this. we actually were rooting for trinidad/tobago and brazil to win. i'm a chic and can even admit brazil was dragging a wagon in her bikini bottom.

    switzerland's ass her too dayum boney. the sight of her ribs made me want to airlift some greens and cornbread to her ass. and i might be wrong but india was kinda not cute.

  4. - They probably told Israel to wait for Lebanon to start and then go crazy on her ass.

    - Australia was hot from the pics.
    The national costumes are truly ridiculous. They are the best and worst of it all.

    - I'm going to be watching this tonight, I'm tired of the pics. I need the live action.